Day #46 - 11/30/97 - 7:17PM

Yipes! Tomorrow begins December and it'll mean the third "physical" month of unemployment, counting from mid October to December.

Ho freakin' Ho.

Speaking of the holiday season, my wife says she has found the perfect part-time job for me: being an ELF. We were walking thru the mall today (like is there anything else she'll do with me on weekends?) and...

...she suddenly said, "You could do that!"

I replied, "You bet....and if I work real hard I could soon move up to being the person that jumps around and makes the crying kids try to smile for their photo on Fatso's lap!"

"As a matter of fact," she added, "You'd make a great Santa!"

MMmmmm.....if I were Santa......if I were Santa.....(bring the dreamy harp transition music in here)

If I were Santa I'd....

1. Bring every Consultant and Program Director a CD player that only plays over and over again the small library of records their research says people only want to hear.

2. I'd make every General Manager go on the air for four hours and try to do a compelling radio show without stepping on anyone's toes. Then, when the complaints came in, there would be no one to stand by him and defend his actions just so he/she knows how it feels.

3. I'd bring every button-punching listener a new radio that automatically turns off for 30 minutes when it senses you punched out at the first sign of a commercial because you didn't have the allegiance or patience to stick with a station you even liked!

4. Finally, if I were Santa, I'd give every Sales Manager a three-minute egg timer. No, not for eggs.....rather, so they could get a better idea how long their ":60 seconds of hand-written copy" really is!